11 August 2015

Summer in England

( If you can't remember the movie, rewind and remind asap!)

 Summer 2015, what can I say? The  UK weather's identity crisis has reached an all-time high. As a consequence, all weather forecasters should could be experiencing a crisis of their own - long-term employment. Their reporting is about as reliable as Tabloids on Jen's marriage status. If their reports are anything to go by this must be, what, 11th or 12th time lucky?   

Weather aside, it's not been all-gloom. Ever-British, there's been Pimms, BBQs, questionable music hits and fashion throwbacks. Yet no UK Summer would be complete without unintentionally baking yourself, soaking flip flops and fleeing from wasp swarms (whoops, shouldn't use that word). 

Featuring all things bright and blameful, here is my breakdown of UK Summer 2015... 


* So the calendar hits July and suddenly we've gone back 40 years. Wait, I thought I was a 90s kid?

* Hey children welcome to the 70s - last generation's leftovers are this season's lookbook. Charity shops across the nation rejoice. Far from being a crime, double denim is now hot - and not because you're trying to burn it. *

* It's all suede everything. I am sceptical and first, but this soon fades when I see some of my favourite blogger and celebrity style crushes getting suede.  Everyone falls in love - suddenly the food haul isn't Magic and Sparkle's  greatest calling. From Spencer to Suedeser, it must be getting serious.

* The M&S midi modelled by a certain Ms Chung is wonderful. Then again, she could sell anything: Grandma's old curtains, bin bags, something designed by Kanye West… *

* I was going to pop up a photo of Alexa avec skirt, until I spied one of my favourite bloggers in it - in the Magic and Sparkle stakes Olivia wears it best… *

Love Cloth                         Salt and Chic                           What Olivia Did                           Champagne Lifestyle

* Summer 2015 has been the search for affordable suede. Sadly, it didn't take long for me to realise that Jessie J has been lying to me. When it comes to this trend, it kind of is about the money. How am I supposed to forget about these price tags Topshop? *

 Two months of charity shop, ebay store and Highstreet hunting later, I am still without suede. It's too expensive and there's too much choice! That's the one problem of  Wonderlisting...
1. Next, £199        2.  Zara, £29.99      3. ASOS, £45       4. ASOS, £35      5. River Island, £25        6. Topshop, £75

* Who said gingham only belongs on the yellow brick road? If it works for Alexa, you don't argue - you just don't. Go gingham or go home (Look out for my Gingham outfit post next week) *

* So fetch may never have happened *sobs*, but a little thing called Coachella did. Everywhere. You don't need to attend the festival to wear your boho soul on your sleeve. Get those flowers in your hair. *

* Everything smells of suncream: clothes, bags, bedding, the dog. Everything. * 

* It's okay to wear sunglasses at every conceivable opportunity. So what if you wear them more often than Victoria Beckham? This River Island pair also need me. I feel it's my duty of care to buy...  *

*Unexpected heat-waves = catching the sun (badly) and a resting bitch face stronger than Victoria Beckham. Goodbye Olaf sun song, hello Sebastian lobster skin.  *


*Sunshine means al fresco dining… in a British Restaurant. Seeing as this is this about as common as polar bears in the Sahara Desert, we leap at the opportunity. *

* Step out of the car just as the rain comes pouring. Meanwhile, we've made the optimistic decision to bring the dog with us. Hello great outdoors, croque monslop and prawn linguinsea. 

* On the bright side, the water's definitely on tap. All we need now is the waiter to pour the counter-curse… hello rose. A wine by any other name doesn't taste as sweet. In summer anyway. *

Rain keeps the hair flowers watered, right? 

* The Home Edition: Weather says Saturday is glorious - being English sheep, we blindly follow. *

* Decide to have a BBQ and buy enough coal to fuel a cruise liner. Who needs to go abroad when you're practically on your holidays here? *

* Saturday comes, torrential rain arrives at 3. Mum insists it will be okay. It isn't okay - the BBQ won't light. Door is barricaded, the oven turns on at 8pm. Weather forecaster tops most wanted list. *

*The only person who seems happy is the dog - sausage is still on the menu. *


* If you don't like Pimms you can't sit with us *
c *So I go and sit on the floor with the dog and iced tea. *

*  Existential crises in Starbucks happen. Do I order hot? Do I order iced? Weather make up your mind! *

* Adding ice cubes to wine is socially acceptable. So is eating ice cubes. Essentially, ice cubes = life.*

* White is out, Rose is in…. even if it's raining. Otherwise you'd never finish the bottle. *  

* Iced tea should be a thing. I am confident wonderful Whittard will make it a thing, but come on great British public work with us! *

* Iced coffee truly can solve anything, as can disney. * 
(Inside Out is amazing, and Bing Bong could be the next Olaf…)


* Ignore what 10 O'Clock news says, we know the real threat to human survival: the wasp. *

* Ignore 10 O'Clock news altogether. Fiona Bruce can't give more than a -50% possibility of sunshine. *

*We only want local news for the weather - sorry cat that got stuck up the tree. *

* Unexpected heat-waves aside, Britain isn't the Caribbean. I'm all for imagination, but I also have eyes. *

* Smug comparisons to tropical countries will, nonetheless, still be made. "It's two degrees higher than Spain". "It's raining in Greece"… on topic, now would be a great time for a rain cheque 
Along with Kylie lips, Corbyn love and Conservative loathing, Weather is the talk of the season. 

* Survival strategies?    1. Deal with it (for your own sanity)    2. Don't by the Daily Express. *

* Favourite songs will be ruined by a loud beat behind them - Ella Henderson I'm looking at you. What were you thinking?

* Certain songs will be seen as obligatory - ignore this. Own your own Summer song list. *

 * It's okay if you don't know the words to Black Magic. You are allowed to really really really hate a certain Jepsen song and 1D is not all music's cracked up to be. *

* Unless you're Chandler BingInside Out and its sidekick Lava will floor you. *
(It's still a must-see... asap!)

* * *

What are your favourite outtakes of Summer 2015? 

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